Loneliness

"A subjective unpleasant or distressing feeling due a lack of connection to other people, along with a desire for more, or more satisfying, social relationships' (Lim et al., 2020, p.18).

What is loneliness?

Loneliness is different from being alone. Being alone describes the physical state of being by oneself. Loneliness however, is more about the emotional or psychological experience. A person can be lonely even when surrounded by people. If a person does not feel connected, supported, seen, valued or understood they can feel overwhelming lonely.

Where does loneliness begin?

Loneliness can stem from:

• losing a loved one,

• a marriage or relationship break up,

• changing jobs,

• moving in to a new life phase, eg. parenthood,

• changing your social routines or connections,

• having superficial relationships where you don't feel seen,

• moving house or moving to a new town, state or country,

• feeling misunderstood

• experiencing mental health challenges

• low self-esteem or self worth

• ageing

  
  

Loneliness can start subtly and over time, if not addressed, can develop into a chronic issue affecting your physical and mental health.

What are the effects of loneliness?

The most obvious and immediate effect of loneliness is through your mental health. Loneliness is strongly linked to anxiety and depression and can lead to other mental health disorders if left untreated. Being isolated and experiencing feelings of loneliness can increase feelings of unworthiness, sadness and hopelessness, often making it difficult to make change and escape the cycle of loneliness.

The physical effects of loneliness are also worth noting and include cardiovascular problems such as high blood pressure, an inflammatory response due to the high levels of stress and cortisol in your body, sleep disturbance, stomach and digestive problems and aches and pains.

Chronic loneliness is also linked to cognitive decline and research shows an increased risk of cognitive conditions such as dementia in people who endure extended periods of loneliness, especially as they age. In addition, brain fog, difficulty with memory, lack of concentration and overall mental clarity have been linked to the experience of loneliness for some people.

Research indicates that loneliness can lead to an increased risk of substance use as people search for ways to cope with the emptiness and emotional pain of being lonely. The serious implications of substance use additionally leads to physical and mental health challenges as mentioned previously.

It is important to note that loneliness can also be linked to mortality, with studies showing a reduced life expectancy for people who experience loneliness in their lives. The wide-ranging physical, emotional and mental effects of loneliness have led to a shorten life expectancy.

Loneliness in the world today

Recent data from the WHO declares that approximately 1 in 4 older people are experiencing loneliness and approximately 10% of adolescents are feeling lonely in our world today. The COVID-19 Pandemic increased feelings of loneliness worldwide as people were cut off from social supports, family and friends and often, their places of work. In 2022 approximately 1 in 6 Australians were experiencing loneliness with males showing slightly higher rates of loneliness than females.

Loneliness in the digital age

In recent years, the advancement of technology and easy access to social media have both helped and hindered the problem of loneliness. Whilst a lack of efficient communication, more rural and remote living situations and more divisive class structures were grounds for loneliness many years ago, today we see a lifestyle change that finds many of us behind a screen and missing out on human interaction, leading to an increasing problem of loneliness.

Technology, more specifically smart phones, as a means of communication, provide a barrier between us and them. We no longer need to have conversation face-to-face or over the phone, we can use our fingers to type out messages without any trace of non-verbal communication or feeling. Whilst we have a multitude of emojis, stickers and GIFS to choose from for added emphasis, nothing comes close to the human connection we gain from a good old face-to-face chin wag. This absence of connection has had an enormous effect on our experience of loneliness around the world.

For many people however, the advancements in digital technology have opened up instantaneous human contact as people reconnect almost effortlessly with friends and family around the world. At any time of the day or night there is usually someone available to contact and to feel connected to in some capacity. Whilst this may not be for everyone, particularly those who crave an in-person meet up, the benefits gained for many people in this way are worth noting in the interest of reduced loneliness and improved health outcomes for the individual.

And so, what can we do about loneliness?

The good news is that there are many ways we can combat loneliness. If feeling lonely is becoming all too familiar for you, here are a range of ideas you could try to find reconnection, support and understanding:

• Initiate contact. Whether it is calling or messaging a friend, joining a new social group, connecting with an online community or joining a new sporting or hobby group, taking that first step toward connection is crucial.

• Work on self. Working on self-acceptance and increasing self-esteem can help you feel more comfortable and confident. You can do this with the help of a counsellor or by doing more of the things you love and are good at. Not needing validation from others may help reduce your feelings of loneliness and help you feel more comfortable in your own company.

• Talk about it. Telling someone you trust about how you are feeling can be helpful. Sharing your thoughts about the way you feel and how you are affected by loneliness can ease the burden and you will probably gain more support from this person as well. What if you don't have anyone you can talk to? Find a counsellor who you trust to share this with.

• Volunteer your time. Find some community groups in your local area and volunteer your time. You might learn a new skill as well as making connections with people in your area.

• Exercise. Not only will exercise get you out of the house and increase your physical fitness, it will also release endorphins making you feel happier. At the same time exercise will reduce your stress hormones making you feel better overall. Being outside is also likely to increase your chances of meeting other people and having a conversation.

• Adopt a pet. Studies show that the companionship of a pet can increase feelings of wellbeing. Having a reason to get up and out of the house, a potential opportunity for social interaction and an increased routine as you care for your animal can improve your mood and decrease feelings of loneliness and isolation.

• Talk to strangers. Studies have shown that incidental conversation with random strangers can dramatically improve feelings of wellbeing and reduce feelings of loneliness. Chatting to the person who makes your coffee, the person who delivers your parcels, the local butcher or to passers-by as you walk around the block, will really make a difference to your day.

To conclude

Loneliness does not discriminate. It exists throughout history, across social groupings, in all cultures and racial groups, with and without technological advancement and despite being surrounded by people. In 2025 we are seeing record numbers of people experiencing loneliness. Whilst experiencing loneliness can be overwhelming at times it is important to note that it does not have to be a permanent state - it can be overcome. Remembering that there are other people feeling lonely too and by acknowledging what you are going through, with some education and support, you can reduce the lonely experience and regain true human connection. Why don't you give it a try? Let me know how your life changes.

Sophie x